eli westfall, lmft

Where do we look when we want to find meaning and purpose in our lives? Do we look to religion or spirituality? Do we look to our careers? Do we look to our accomplishments? Do we look to the legacy we have left behind? Do we look to the impact we have had on others?

Everyone longs to have meaning and purpose. To know we have meant something to others. To know we have made an impact on those around us. Where do we find that purpose and meaning and how do we gauge it?

I have had many jobs over the years. Some of them I liked and some I absolutely hated. Some I was good at and some I was awful at. Some jobs I should have been good at but wasn’t and some I should be terrible at but somehow thrived. Looking to careers or the jobs I’ve had over the years has been a source of purpose and meaning for me. Over the course of my adult working life, I have had the opportunity to impact hundreds, if not thousands of people. I know I have had meaning and purpose in the jobs I have had. I know I have positively impacted people through my jobs. But not all of them. And I have had negatively impacted people in my jobs. I haven’t always treated people great or interacted with them in a positive manner. While I can look to my jobs to find purpose and meaning, if I look hard enough I will find the mistakes and the places where the meaning and purpose isn’t found.

I am not sure I have actually accomplished much of anything that other people would sit back and think, “Eli has done something incredible.” I have no grand artwork to my name. I haven’t uncovered any new strategy to anything. I haven’t done much. So finding meaning and purpose amongst my accomplishments falls a little short. I have walked with people through some of the darkest times of their lives. I have been beside them when everything they know is falling apart. I have been there as they wrestle with the untimely death of a loved one. I have been there as they struggled to find how to move forward despite infidelity. I have been there when they finally accept the mental health diagnosis they have resisted. I have been there when they wanted nothing more than for this life to end. I have been there when they have welcomed new life into this world. I have been there as they built a new life together with a special someone. I have been there when they have rebuilt their lives from chaos. Maybe there is purpose and meaning in my accomplishments.

I haven’t spent much time thinking about what legacy I am leaving behind. I haven’t really planned for any kind of legacy to be left behind. Not a lot of purpose or meaning there. My wife and I have raised three boys and while they aren’t perfect, they are my greatest achievement. I have made countless mistakes as a dad to be sure. But despite my insufficiency, I have three boys who are good solid dudes who care deeply for those around them, who are compassionate to the unfortunate of the world, and boys who are navigate this world with integrity. Maybe there is a legacy after all.

What about the people I have impacted over the years? I don’t know how many people (if any) will come to my funeral and share stories of times when my life intersected with theirs and afterwards their life had been made considerably better. I don’t know how many people put me in their story, as an integral part of making them who they are when they share their journey. I don’t know how many share drop my name when listing off the people who have had a big impact on their lives and on making them into who they are. I do know, I have touched the lives of many, many people. Whether I am remembered or not, I have helped people better themselves and their lives. I have cared for people, when no one else did. I have walkeed alongside people, when no one else was there. I have cried with people, when no one else has shed any tears. People’s lives have been changed as a direct result of our paths crossing. Maybe there is purpose in the lives of people I have impacted.

None of us want to get to the end of our lives and feel as though our lives were wasted, that no one will remember us. None of us want to feel as though we have lived a meaningless life. In our search to find meaning and purpose, maybe we could all look a little closer to home when trying to determine how much we have changed the world. If we have had an impact on one person and made any changes to their life, then we have changed the world… their world.