eli westfall, lmft

I am greater than the sum of my parts.

And so are you.

In my therapy sessions with clients a lot of discussion is had about the past, as you might imagine. We look back to figure out why we are where we are, why we are struggling with our current struggle, how our dysfunctional family caused us to be effed up, and as a last ditch effort to try to understand what in the world is going on in our lives. As I was talking with a client who was wrestling with coming to terms of a bipolar diagnosis, I began to think about how many times we get caught up in our past and believe it defines us and forces us to be who we have always been.

We all make mistakes. Big ones. Little ones. Mistakes that impact those we love. Mistakes that seemingly destroy and ruin relationships.

But we don’t have to be defined by those mistakes we make. They are a part of who we are, but they are not ALL of who we are. We are a complex amalgamation of wins, losses, mistakes, triumphs, good, and bad.

How do we move on from our past to what is ahead of us?

The therapist in me wants to tell you if you change the way you think about your past and don’t view it as a negative, rather a positive as it has made you into the person you are today. I would teach you skills to not focus on the negative aspects of your past, but see it as an opportunity to learn from your mistakes and do better next time. We could do this by learning more of your story and understanding how where you came from led you to make some of those mistakes. We would seek to understand how your family of origin set you up to fail or succeed or both. We would build on the successes you’ve had in the past and capitalize on your strengths. We would work to re-write your story to a better story, a story that embraces the truth of you and better describes and illustrates what makes you who you are. And all of these are good things to do. They have value in them and they can get our minds to the right place, they can get us moving in the direction we want to go. Using these skills, we can overcome our pasts. We can do better.

The pastor in me wants to remind you of Romans 5:8 that says, ‘while we were still sinners Christ died for us.’ I would remind you John 3:16 tells us ‘for God so loved the world he gave his one and only son so whoever believes in him shall not perish.’ I would call your attention to Philippians 3:13 &14 ‘forgetting what is behind and stringing towards what is ahead, I press on toward the goal’. I would remind us God has called us to be so much more than the mistakes we have made. He has called to be his children. He has called us to live lives of joy and peace. He has called us to look toward the future and to not be stuck in the past. My brothers and sisters, God has called us to him.

We are more than the mistakes we have made. We are not defined by those moments of our lives. Sure they are a part of who we are, but we are so much more. Don’t believe the lie that you are the worst parts of you. Don’t suffer alone. Let those around you carry you and help you move beyond your mistakes to something greater. Get the help you need to overcome.