eli westfall, lmft

Being disappointed is an unavoidable reality of life. We get disappointed when we don’t get the grade we wanted on an assignment. We get disappointed when that boy or girl we like doesn’t feel the same way we do. Or when family members or friends don’t act the way we thought they were supposed to act. Or when we don’t get that promotion at work or maybe we didn’t get the job at all.

We can’t avoid being disappointed at some time or another in our lives. It is just facts. Knowing disappointment is unavoidable the question then is, ‘What do we do with disappointment?’ or ‘What do we do when we are disappointed?’ All the ways we can possibly react to disappointment can really be summed up into either we accept it or it devastates us.

Are we devastated? Do we allow disappointment the shape the rest of our lives? Disappointment can easily be a cancer we let eat us up from the inside out. It makes sense, when we get disappointed we begin to question ourselves, question our worth and value. We question what we have to offer to others. Disappointment easily begins a downward spiral we can’t get out of. It can become the quicksand which we can’t escape or get out of. It can be the end of us. We have all heard the saying, ‘burying your head in the sand like an ostrich.’ (Despite the fact it is a myth and ostriches don’t actually bury their head in the sand, it is just a metaphor.) Do we just accept disappointment and defeat? Many people do. Many people become disillusioned and give up. Many people use it as the crutch and basis for being a victim. We stop trying, we give up

It doesn’t have to be a devastation.

Are we able to move on? Are we able to push past the disappointment? Are we resilient?

During the summer of 2023, we took a family trip to the Grand Tetons (which my boys were delighted to hear means grand tits in French) and Yellowstone National Parks. We had a blast. Biggest family trip we had taken. We hiked the Tetons, got to ride horses, and saw tons of wildlife we had never seen in person before. Our first foray into wildlife was the black bear who was sitting feet off the hiking trail we were on. We later encountered a marmot on the same trail.

One of the most memorable takeaways from the trip, was the proliferation of bison in Yellowstone. They were literally everywhere. There weren’t many places we went to in Yellowstone where there was ‘evidence’ of bison. There were in the fields, on the side of the road, in the road, their tracks were in the hot springs and geysers, they were everywhere. Beyond the bison being everywhere, what struck me was their size. They are huge. Very large animals. Bigger than I imagined them to be. (Side note, so are wolves. We saw some in a zoo-like place and they were so much bigger than a domestic dog.)

It was after we returned home I learned of one of the instinctual behaviors of bison. Bison will turn into a storm and face it head on and push through. Instinctually, they know if they do this they will be reducing their exposure to the storm. After hearing this, bison have become an object lesson for many of my clients who are struggling with hard times and with disappointment. When faced with difficulty and disappointment, if we turn into the storm… face it head on, we will get through the storm quicker than if we run and hide. When disappointment shows up in our lives, do we push through, are we resilient, or do we let it consume us. Life is hard and sometimes we need a herd (or tribe) to get us through, but don’t let disappointment consume you. Be the bison.