eli westfall, lmft LLC

What is a tribe? It is a collection of humans we have around us who encourage us, keep us accountable, who help to grow, and help us to be the best versions of ourselves we can be, to challenge us. I was listening to a podcast recently and they discussed this idea as a foxhole and asked who is in my foxhole. I love this analogy, however if you are not militarily inclined this may not resonate with you. Family doesn’t always convey the right idea since not everyone has a good family. Do you have a collection of humans around you, do you have a tribe?

I was re-watching the Book of Boba Fett recently, please hold all thoughts and judgments of the show until the end of this post, and one of the things I really liked about the series was Boba Fett being adopted by the Tusken Raiders. If you look at the history of the Mandalorians you see they are a people made up of many different cultures who have been grafted in together. This is the kind of tribe I want to have around me. People who have similar goals and objectives, values and morals, and who are working towards the same general end.

Do you have a tribe of people you are surrounding yourself with? People who are there to lift you up? People who are there to help you fight your battles? People who will challenge you to be better?

The idea of a lone wolf is romantic… but also lonely. We were made for community, we were made to be connected to others and to be in relationship with other people. There are many tribes of people around the world. There are big tribes and little tribes. Oxford dictionary defines tribe as, a group of people linked by social, economic, religious, or blood ties, with a common culture. There is a lot in that sentence and there is a lot left out. Our tribe is our group of people who are linked together with us, sharing a common bond, a similar set of beliefs, and who are ideally working towards the same goal. The truth is, we need a tribe. The cliche, ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ has some truth to it. The truth or the idea in the cliche plays out a variety of examples. All of the examples highlight the need for us to have a tribe, a group of people who are with us in this daily struggle called life.

I was reminded of the need to find right tribe while speaking with some therapist colleagues. The conversation turned to discussing how we sometimes have a dark sense of humor to help us to cope with all the things people share with us everyday. I shared a story of a time when I told one of dark humor, child welfare jokes to a group of church friends. You would have thought I was Satan incarnate based on the looks I got from the crowd. It was then I realized I told the joke in the wrong crowd.

Finding our tribe sometimes comes easily, we just gravitate towards like-minded people and we easily form a connection with them. Other times, it takes a little effort to find the right connection to our tribe. This may even be more important finding a tribe, finding the right one.

Can I share a little about my tribe, a little about what I get from my tribe and how they challenge me? My tribe has several circles or layers to it. I have people in my tribe for various areas of my life and then I there are some people who just permeate all areas of my life. No matter what is going on, I can count on my tribe to challenge me in the following ways.

Professional – I have people in my tribe who challenge me professionally. These are people who help me sharpen my skills as a therapist, to learn new techniques or to know myself better to be better equipped to help others. They challenge me to continue to be dynamic and not stagnant. Their challenge of me makes me want to be the best therapist I can be, not just for myself or my clients, but for them as well.

Spiritually – I have people in my tribe who challenge me spiritually. They are consistently challenging me to continue to rely on God. They challenge me to see his bigger picture and to trust his will in my life. They challenge me to be more like Jesus in my family, friends, work, and with strangers. They challenge me to rid myself of negative character traits which inhibit me drawing close to God.

Physically – I have people in my tribe who challenge me to push myself harder and farther than I ever imagined my body would go. They challenge me to not sandbag my workouts. To train harder, to run faster, to be stronger. They challenge me to commit to the discipline of physical training and to at least making an effort to eat semi-healthy meals. One friend constantly reminds me if I don’t give maximum effort to be as strong as I can be, I will not be remembered when I die.

Personally – And then I have people in my tribe who challenge me personally. These are the people who have been to my innermost recesses and to the dark places in my soul that I don’t want anyone to know exists. These are the friends who call me out on the excessive amount of bullshit I pander. They challenge me be a better husband, to cherish my wife, to prioritize my relationship with her, and to treat her with the respect and dignity she deserves. They challenge me to be a better father, to love my boys unconditionally, to connect with my boys in meaningful ways, and to always show my love to them. They challenge me to be a better man, to not succumb to weakness and cowardice, to not shy away from responsibility, and to not be anything less than a man who is respectful, treats people with dignity, is honest and reliable, who is strong yet kind, who protects those I care about, and to be patient while not compromising.

It is no exaggeration to say, without my tribe I would not be the person I am today. I would not want to live my life without a tribe to come alongside me and challenge me to be better tomorrow than I was today. I hope you have a tribe. If you don’t, I hope you can find one. Not sure where to start or how to make that happen? Hit me up and we can talk about how to get you to where you want to be.